Averaged Misery
by IAlwaysWantToKissYou
Summary: My take on House meeting Cuddy's mom. Based on the spoilers for Larger Than Life, and mostly written before the episode aired.
1. Chapter 1

The alarm on the nightstand closest to Cuddy flicked from 4:59 to 5:00, screaming at her to get out of bed. She whimpered slightly, silencing the alarm with the palm of her hand, waiting expectantly for the low rumbling sound of House's mocking voice, once again berating her for choosing to leave the comfort of her bed at such an ungodly hour. When it didn't come, she rolled further on to her back and stretched an arm out behind her, searching the other side of the bed. When her hand came up empty and she felt no residual heat she knew that his patient had kept him at the hospital all night.

A small disappointed sigh escaped her as she forced herself out from under the thick and inviting comforter, grabbing her Blackberry from where it was charging on the nightstand and heading towards the kitchen to start the coffee maker. Leaning one hip against the kitchen counter as the aroma of coffee started to waft around her, Cuddy looked blearily at the small screen of her Blackberry, checking for anything remotely urgent. One text message. House. She smiled slightly and opened the text. _If you are waking up to this instead of me then that is because my patient is dying, his wife is a liar, and my team are morons. H. _Cuddy grinned as she put her phone down on the counter, left the coffee to percolate and headed off to start her morning yoga, hoping that she could get at least an hour done before Rachel was up for the day.

Stepping in to the hospital at exactly 8.52, take out coffee cup and briefcase in hand, Cuddy stopped at the reception desk to pick up her messages before heading towards the clinic. Looking up from the pink slips in her hand she spotted Foreman filling out a clinic chart and then handing it off to a nurse. As he reached for another chart, Cuddy's hand came down on top of it and he started, turning to face her.

"Uh, yeah?"

"What are you doing in the clinic? I heard on the grapevine that your patient is dying," she replied, raising an eyebrow. Foreman sighed, a little wearily she noted.

"He is. We hit a brick wall on the DDX about an hour ago. House said he needed to think and I haven't seen him since. I couldn't think or sleep, so came here. Didn't think it would be such a problem," he looked at her pointedly as he slid the chart out from under her hand, before turning towards the patients seated in the waiting area.

Unlocking the door she entered the dim room, heading towards her desk to leave her briefcase and coffee, before shrugging off her winter coat. She switched on the lamp at her desk and turned to hang her coat on the stand, just as a rough and sleep soaked voice startled her.

"Easy on the light, Cuddy. People are trying to sleep here," he had been asleep on her sofa. One arm was slung over his eyes in an attempt to block out the intrusion her desk lamp had caused, and the other was bent behind his head, acting as a makeshift pillow. His suit jacket was stretched out over his torso and hips. She continued towards the rack and hung her coat.

"Sorry, but I wasn't expecting anyone to be using my _locked_ office as a nap site," sitting on the coffee table in front of the sofa she continued. "You have your own office y'know."

House removed the arm from across his eyes and turned his head slightly to look at her. Knees together, elbows balancing on them, her head resting in the palm of her left hand. She was looking at him expectantly, but her eyes were soft. Slightly amused.

"We weren't getting anywhere with the DDX. Patient is stable, for now, and I figured I'd be able to come up with something with some time to think, away from the kids," he sighed and scrubbed at his face with the hand he had free. Cuddy's lips curved in to a slight smile.

"I'm guessing since you're still here, and Foreman is currently treating patients in the clinic, that you're yet to have one of your, moments?" she asked, watching him as he stared at the ceiling and shook his head slightly. "And you had to do this thinking in my office, because?"

He turned his head to look at her again, his eyes searching her face for any trace of anger. He didn't find any. His arm stretched out towards her and his hand settled around her calf. Smoothing up and down her leg, from her ankle to the back of her knee. She was aware that his touch was not sexual. He was seeking some sort of connection, and she immediately knew why she had found him in her office.

Running a hand soothingly through his completely dishevelled hair as she stood, Cuddy made her way back towards her desk, leaving House to his thoughts, or possibly in peace so he could steal a few more minutes of sleep.

Logging on to her laptop and leaving it to boot up, Cuddy made a start on her inbox, pulling out the significant stack of papers and placing it directly in front of her. She flicked her eyes up in House's direction, checking to see if he was asleep, and noted that his eyes were still open, staring at the ceiling, and one hand was now slowly twirling his cane. He had access to her sofa for another half hour at the most and then he'd have to go find somewhere else to think. She was pretty sure her morning meetings would not go smoothly with House processing his latest case in the corner. At that, House's arm came from behind his head and he helped his bad leg to the floor as he swung to a sitting position. Raising her head to look at him fully, she noticed a slight smirk on his lips. Clearly he just had his moment.

He stood up and strode towards her with the help of his cane, leaning down to plant a kiss on the side of her mouth. He pulled back only enough to look at her smiling up at him, "Eureka" she whispered, her eyes large and laughing. The corner of House's mouth raised slightly in a smirk and he leaned in again, mumbling against her mouth, "And I haven't forgotten it's your birthday", before his lips prised her mouth open gently, and his hand found the back of her head, kissing her soundly before turning and rushing out of her office. Before the door closed she could hear him yelling out in to the relatively quiet clinic.

"Foreman!"

Cuddy grinned as she looked back down at the papers in front of her.

Maybe turning 43 wasn't going to be so bad.

* * *

_AN: This is my first ever story and has been hanging around my computer screaming to be published for a while now_, _so I figured, what the hell. It's pretty scary putting your stuff out there for people to judge. Anyway, I have a few chapters of this written already, which I'm gonna post immediatey really, but it's still unfinished. Not sure where I should go from there. _

_I hope anyone who took the time to read at least this chapter found at least one small thing even slightly appealing.  
_


	2. Chapter 2

House limped for the door, eager to escape the exam room. If there was one thing he hated more than patients with boring symptoms it was patients with no discernible symptoms at all. Hypochondria was certainly nothing to get excited about. The current patient in question behind him – a woman who had clearly put a lot of effort in to a look that screamed 'I am a conservative Jew!', and was of course completely unaware of the irony - apparently felt he looked like someone who wanted to know about her strained relationship with a doctor daughter who was at least smart enough to know her mother was an annoyance worth avoiding.

As he reached for the door handle she asked if his brushing off of her complaints has been influenced by her daughter. There was something in her tone. He realised that only on reflection. In the actual moment, he was ridiculously slow on the uptake.

"I don't even know your daughter," House told her incredulously. He was watching her collect her belongings. Something wasn't quite right. When had he lost control of the conversation? This overdressed pain in the ass was not even slightly taken aback by his hostility towards her. If anything, the ruder he was, the more smug she got. He hadn't even realised he was in the ring until she delivered the winning blow.

"That's hard to believe considering you're currently schtupping her," the woman informed him as she turned to meet his stunned gaze.

House froze. He stared at her, mouth open, eyes terrified, and took everything about this whole horrific experience in. This was Cuddy's mother. He took in the too polished appearance again, placed the voice to a telephone conversation about a desk that held delicious memories, the more graphic of which he had kept to himself, and accepted the fact that he had just been a complete dick to her. His chin dropped to his chest, eyes scrunched closed, shoulders slumped in resignation. She was going to kill him. Which 'she' could probably go either way.

He heard her heels click towards him and looked up to meet her laughing eyes and smirk. "I'm Arlene Cuddy. And you, look like you need a drink."

Huffing out a small laugh, House reached up with his free hand and rubbed it down his face. "Yeah." He waved the file at her half heartedly. "You couldn't have just said upfront?"

Arlene's smirk widened as she reached for the door handle. "Oh I don't know dear. I think we both learned a lot in the past few minutes," was her mocking reply as she pulled open the clinic room door, "Now, let's go see your significant other, shall we?" House swept his free arm out before him in a gentlemanly gesture, allowing Arlene to precede him out in to the clinic. Once she was passed him his eyes closed and his head dropped backwards as he cursed some deity he did not believe in yet still seemed to suffer at the hands of. Why the Hell did Cuddy need to have a birthday anyway.

* * *

_AN: It's short, I know, but I wanted to do one chapter based solely on the first sneak peek we got. The next chapter should be at least a little longer._


	3. Chapter 3

Standing in front of her desk, hurriedly organising a few papers and files in to separate piles, Cuddy heard the door behind her open and smiled as she removed her suit jacket from over her arm, preparing to put it on.

"I was just coming to find you. You want to grab some lun..."

The rest of her question was lost as she turned and froze at the sight of House taking a step to his left, revealing her maniacally grinning mother. Cuddy's smile faded and her eyes flicked to House's for a split second before she focused back on Arlene.

"Mom! What are you doing here?" She tried to sound like a mature adult, she really did, but somehow she wound up sounding like a whiny teenager, with just a hint of petulance in her tone. Arlene strode towards her daughter, arms held wide, and enveloped Cuddy in a slightly tense hug.

"It's been far too long Lisa, and I thought my baby girl's birthday was as good an excuse as any to visit," Arlene replied as she pulled back from the hug and cupped Cuddy's cheek gently, "You look good sweetheart. Better than I saw you last. The change must be agreeing with you."

Cuddy blushed slightly as she let out a nervous laugh, looking down and away from her mother's scrutinising gaze. House's voice however, forced her eyes back up and over her mother's shoulder.

"Oh she's not menopausal yet. Poster girl for peri-menopause, but she's still very much in her prime for now," he declared as both women watched him stride towards the sofa and throw himself down, arms spread across the back and feet perched casually on the coffee table. He stared back at them for a second, his expression oozing innocence. He noted that Arlene looked in no way fazed by his comments whilst Cuddy's cheeks were a definite red and her eyes were attempting to communicate that he was in for a dry spell if he opened his mouth again. He just couldn't resist that. One side of his mouth turned up in to a distinct smirk for a split second before the innocent expression returned, "Oh that's not the change you meant!" Cuddy rolled her eyes as she perched on the edge of her desk. He was watching her intensely as he continued to address Arlene.

"You mean the boyfriend change. Well as changes go, I have to say that is the one I prefer." Cuddy watched as House turned to her mother with a completely insincere smile. Arlene's expression was disturbingly similar, and in much the same fashion as House had, she addressed her daughter whilst her gaze remained on House, "I think I like this one, Lisa. A bit of a challenge, but ultimately worth it," she turned to Cuddy, "Am I right?"

House and Cuddy turned to each other. Their gazes travelling over the other. Cuddy allowed a shy smile as she turned back to her mother with a quick nod of her head. Her 15 year old self was out in full force once again. Arlene sighed contentedly and stepped back towards the door again.

"Lunch?"

Cuddy managed a warm smile and nodded, standing up straight and fastening the two buttons of her suit jacket, "I only have a half hour at the most so it'll have to be the cafeteria."

House unfolded his long limbs from the coffee table and stood up, moving to stand beside Cuddy, "I'd love to join you ladies, but I have to be... Anywhere else," she turned to face him, smiling despite herself and he couldn't help smiling back as he shrugged, "Sorry."

Arlene let out a genuine bark of laughter, "Yes, I'm sure you are. Not to worry, Greg, I'm sure we'll have plenty of time to get to know one another at dinner tonight." House's gaze snapped from Arlene to Cuddy so fast he almost gave himself whiplash. She seemed just as oblivious as he did.

Arlene pulled the office door open, "I'll meet you out at reception, Lisa," and disappeared out in to the clinic.

Leaning forward wearily, Cuddy let her forehead rest against House's chest, her hands coming up to push inside his jacket and rest around his waist. "Did that actually just happen?" House chuckled as he placed his cane on the desk next to them, one hand coming up to rest on the back of her head and the other running down her back to rest around her hip. "I guess my plans for tonight will have to be put on hold." He leaned down to murmur in her ear, "Except for the birthday sex. That is happening, Mama Cuddy occupying the spare room or not."

Cuddy giggled, despite being the kind of woman who simply _does not_ giggle, and stood up straight again, "I'm sorry, House. I really had no idea she was going to show up. And this certainly wasn't how I wanted you two to meet."

"She posed as a clinic patient!" he hissed dramatically and Cuddy's eyes widened, "You were doing clinic duty!"

House tilted his head at her, "Funny. And just so you know, if it wasn't your birthday I'd totally be blowing this dinner off."

Cuddy watched him with an expression that said she knew otherwise before pulling on the lapels of his jacket and meeting him halfway for a brief kiss. She pulled back and moved to the door as House picked up his cane from the desk. Instead of following her however, he sat down in one of her guest chairs.

He leaned back and looked at her upside down, "Go take her for lunch. I'm not going out there until I know the path to my office is clear."

Behind him in two steps, Cuddy kissed his upside down lips before she turned and left her office, heels clicking a slightly unsure rhythm through the clinic.

* * *

_AN: As you can all probably tell, this was definitely written before the episode aired, so I had given Mama Cuddy the benefit of the doubt and didn't write her quite as TPTB did._

_This is as far as I got before watching the episode, and now that I've seen it I'm kind of reluctant to continue. Actually, I'm very reluctant to continue. Until I fully decide I'll not mark this as complete._


End file.
